OVER HERE - CHAMPIONS OF BREAKFAST - An Irish Breakfast
I suppose I should know that it would be sectarian of me to entitle a piece "An Irish Breakfast", since the Unionists here would complain it must be called an Ulster Fry. However, a few too many cocktails last evening have resulted in your author being at less than at his best so I will be indulging in a traditional Irish Breakfast for lunch today in the hope that the heart attack on a plate will help me make it through the day.
Our American readers might wonder what the heck I mean by an "Irish Breakfast" or an Ulster Fry. In the Anglo-Irish world it is also known as a full breakfast, a fry, a fry up, and depending upon where one is, a regional name and small variation is added (The Scottish Breakfast, The Welsh Breakfast, The Great British Breakfast, the Full Irish Breakfast).
I encountered this vegan nightmare on my first visit to the Emerald Isle. Toast or fried bread, eggs, sausages, bacon, black pudding, white pudding, fried tomatoes, mushrooms, chips and baked beans. All washed down with orange juice and copious amounts of tea. The plate often presents the most immediate danger as it seems to be presented by various B & B hosts at the temperature of lava. One's shakey hands after a night of Guinness and Whiskey consumption often come into contact with the plate, a painful mistake of unsuspecting tourist. The damage to the heart and colestoral level takes a few more sittings.
It is custom to offer the guest eggs in any style they wish, so long as that style is sunny side up or over easy. Scrambled egg orders are more common now and will meet resigned but not unhappy looks. On the other hand a Yank tourist requesting the eggs be poached or the egg whites separted is a cultural faux pas on the level of shitting in a bidet (some French grievances are understandable).
The sausages are not hot or sweet like our Italian friends make. And they are not the mammoth and varied phallic compensators the Germans munch upon while listening to Wagner and drinking their beer. These sausages are tasty, and easy to digest. The bacon is not in the thin American strip tradtion, but thicker, and called rashers. Calling bacon rashers is one of those charming devilish things they insist on doing, like calling elevators lifts and gas petrol, just so they can pretend they aren't wholly consumed by our culture.
BNP households probably only have white pudding and exclude black pudding, but the average tourist will encounter both. Yanks with delicate stomachs should go ahead and eat without asking, as neither is pudding in the dessert sense. Black pudding is a blood pudding made priamrily with pig or cattle blood and cooked with a filler until it is congealed. White pudding lacks the blood and contains pork meat, fat, suet, bread and oatmeal. The two puddings are usually served in minature hockey puck style, two of each to a plate.
The Baked beans, I prefer Batchelor's to Heinz, are perhaps the primary cause of the Anglo-Irish contribution to man made global warming. I've found that a short walk in one of Ireland's many fields after the Irish breakfast is healthy and socially considerate, so that one avoids releasing wind in the small rental vehicles where one's travelling companions have little opportunity to safely exit. Driving on the wrong side of the road is danger enough.
I leave to the experts to discuss the Southern Boxty or the Northern form of Soda Bread. Either will suit me and each is permissible now since the Good Morning Agreement was signed in Belfast. I am off to my lunch and recovery. There is a midtown hotel that does a fairly good one, and happens to have a snug little pub adjoining the dining area. Hope you all enjoy your day.
Mahons
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Mahons,
"I prefer Batchelor's to Heinz"
That's just crazy talk
Thanks Mrs Beeton, I just put on lbs reading that; what you must have added yourself, writing it....?!
Mahons,
Whatever it's called it's disgusting. Anyone who eats this stuff daily, having been made aware ad nauseam* of the health dangers it poses, deserves to die prematurely.
Just be sure you don't break wind in public after scoffing that little lot. :0)
*if you'll pardon the expression
Superb, mahons. This must be one of the best-written posts ever on ATW.
Tho not entirely without fault: you forgot to mention it must all be heavily salted.
This breakfast is the best cure for a hangover I know.
On a sadder note: the top four regions of the world for frequency of death from heart attack are apparently Scotland, Northern Ireland, Rep. of Ireland and England in that order.
The breakfast, and a general fondness for fries, are a major part of the problem.
One of the bloggers I read regularly, Twenty Major, summed it up nicely for me last week when he said
Tho not entirely without fault: you forgot to mention it must all be heavily salted.
This breakfast is the best cure for a hangover I know.
And dont forget the Brown Sauce and the Ketchup!!!
Great post by the way
Kloot,
Good one!
I recall visiting Ireland for the second time with a couple of English mates and staying in a fancy hotel. One of the boys—for fun of course—ordered an "English breakfast".
"Ah, we don't do that," said the waiter. "We can do you an Irish breakfast though."
"What's the difference?" my friend asked.
"Well," said the waiter after some hesitation, "the Irish breakfast comes with brown bread."
And you thought Oliver Cromwell was the worst curse we English ever visited on Ireland :0)
Kloot,
IMO Twenty Major is one of the best Irish blogs around. But thanks to your link I now see he has gone and written a book! - a must read.
IMO Twenty Major is one of the best Irish blogs around.
Noel, Agreed,
Twenty Major calls it as he sees it and he is rarely far off the mark. Must pick up the book when I get a chance.
Great post Mahons.
As a long-time non-meat eater I experienced the offer of "full English breakfast" on two short breaks recently, one in Yorkshire and one in Devon. When I politely declined, in favour of poached egg and toast, they smiled politely but I could see they thought I was deranged.
It reminded me of a famous Simpsons episode where Homer takes Bart and Lisa on a hunting trip. Lisa has a "Deer Hunter" moment and cannot pull the trigger. When they get back, Moe asks Homer how it went, and Homer replies that Lisa has now become a vegetarian. Moe is full of sympathy: "Gee Homer, I'm really sorry to hear that. Are you and Marge first cousins or something?"
Peter - the wit of the Simpsons never fails. Classic.
Noel/Kloot: Salt and Brown Sause! How could I forget (and Kerry Gold butter). I am suprised about the heart attacks as I was sure the livers would have failed first.
Dawkins: all the centuries of strife reduced to brown bread.
Frank: I just love the name "Batchelor's Beans", damn the opposition. A note if you are in the US our Heinz beans are different than yours.
Mahons
If I hadn't just eaten my dinner I'd be starved after reading that. All I'd add is that Clonakilty Black pudding is the best.
Henry - Thanks for the site about the black pudding. It will assist my fellow Americans who are not in the know.
That hotel / pub would be Fitzpatrick's, just east of Grand Central?
Henry, thank you sooo much for the link!
I was completely grossed out by Mahons description of blood pudding. I pictured some nasty viscous hot bloody mess with my otherwise great sounding breakfast.
Lawyerman, you write pretty fine when you're hung!
Phantom - You have eyes everywhere! Yes it was.
Daphne - what Colm will do with that last sentence may be far more disgusting than black pudding.
Mahons,
" I just love the name "Batchelor's Beans", damn the opposition"
I vaguely recall the ads with barney and beaney - but I had those beans once by mistake and it was like eating bullets in a tomato sauce. And a sauce that wasn't nice, at that!
Mahons - I like to toss him some easy ones. :-)
Daphne,
I'm glad you added those last three words :0)
I worked at 44th and Third from 2001-2003. Thats how I discovered Keats, O'Neills, Maggie's Place, Annie Hughes, a couple of Connolly's locations, and Fitzpatricks. Not that I liked to have a cocktail once in a while or anything.
Was only in the latter twice, but I really liked it. Very comfortable place.
Or it could've descended into total mayhem............
Here I am. I can sniff out smut a mile away !
Daphne - I never realised you knew Mahons that well :)
No back to the breakfast. Great and accurate description for a yank. Black Pudding is gorgeous. Much tastier than white. And actually 'A full Monty' - as it can also be known to avoid geographical favouritism does not have to be unhealthy. Grill the sausages and Bacon, fry the egg and mushrooms lightly with very little oil and along with the baked beans it's a perfectly fine occasional treat - Ok the Black Pudding has no health merits at all, but we'll make allowances for that.
Phantom -Our paths/bar tabs crossed many times over I am sure. Funny.
Dawkins - good eye.
Colm - Thanks. I tried to come as close as possible.
I was sure Charles would stop by to proclaim a Texas Fry is what they to to convicted felons.
I like to think a Texas Fry is the experience any man gets when he finds himself close to the sizzling Daphne !
Nice post.
It sounds more like an English breakfast you ate though eg with black pudding. I always thought Irish breakfasts which let's face it are totally derivative.. came with colcannon. Full English breakfasts are the ones that tradtionally have black pudding (YUM)
For the best on the planet go to The Hope pub at Smithfields market at 6am and wash it down with hair of the dog if you've a hangover - ale.
You might also like to check out the London Review of Breakfast blog to see what they say about your NY establishment.
http://londonreviewofbreakfasts.blogspot.com/
"prefer Batchelor's to Heinz"
cough splutter...wtf?! :P
I always thought Irish breakfasts which let's face it are totally derivative.. came with colcannon.
I had to google Colcannon to figure out what it was.. looks disgusting!.
Never heard of it myself, and ive had a fair few Irish Breakfasts
I tried to comment on this tasty debate (sorry!) yesterday but squarespace wouldn't let me.
As good as the Full Irish/Ulster Fry is, sometimes there's just no time for us working folk to sit down and eat one...Step forward the Breakfast Roll - the food of (hungover) Kings!
Isn't Colcannon like Bubble and Squeak? Only with fried cabbage? Seriously.. i thought that was Irish.
I saw a funny view the other day of the great fry up on Twenty Major - he said he liked the idea of the fry up more than the fry up itself - which is kinda true. I like cooking them but they're a (cardiac) struggle.
Alison: I've never seen an Irish Breakfast without black pudding. As for Batchelor's - as I noted above, I get a kick out of the name. Plus why would I want to contribute to Teresa Heinz's fortune?
Kloot,
You read Mahons' description of two ingredients of a Nirish Breakfast:
... and you find innocuous ol' colcannon disgusting???? :0)
I've never seen Colcannon with a full Irish breakfast. Black & white pudding are staples. Mushrooms and fried tomatoes (I love those) are optional.
All right, you lot. Thirty-three comments (including six about colcannon, which isn't even an ingredient) and only Mahons' original post refers to the killer ingredient in this breakfast: Fried Bread. My dear old mum soaked it up and fried it in the bacon drippings and one of my brothers loved it more than anything, and, yes, it killed him (that and the smoking) of heart disease at 59.
Now, since you've all been bad, I'm going to have to punish you by quoting from ATW's favorite playwright, Harold Pinter's "The Birthday Party":
There now, and it serves you right. So straighten up you lot, because there's more Pinter where that came from.>>I like to think a Texas Fry is the experience any man gets when he finds himself close to the sizzling Daphne !<<
Colm, I thought it was what they used to give murderers there before the electric chair was deemed "cruel and unusual punishment".
Colcannon is nothing more than a fancy term for mashed potato with bits of cabbage in it, and no it is not part of any fried breakfast.
.
Bubble and squeak is though Colm and i'm afraid those crap Irish theme pubs (forgot the name) serve up their Irish breakfasts with "COLCANNON", sorry about that peeps. I think it's cos it makes it sound more unique. Black pudding and baked beans are the staple of an English breakfast but were added to the Irish version later, though a real Irish breakfast is traditionally served sans beanz. Yes wiki has a breakfast page hahahaha.
Fried bread in dripping is something my mum remembers and yes is also part of a proper breakfast.
Aliosn
Bubble and squeak is fried left over mash, not exactly the same as Colcannon which is fresh mash and cabbage.
Fried bread is utterly vile.
I know what Bubble is, colcannon is sort of similar but with cabbage as i said above. The pub ...o'Neills..!! I couldn't remember. That's the one.
My ideal breakfast: two fried eggs (yolks broken, both sides fried until just about solid, but before the "skin" forms on the surface), place a buttered slice of bread (buttered side down) on the pan, place eggs on top and fry for a further 3-4 mins, couple of fish fingers, a sausage, bacon rasher (lean, no rind), a hash brown, and a scoop of baked beans. Apply a little salt to the eggs, apply black pepper throughout. Dispense approx 35ml of tomato ketchup (Heinz, naturally) and 25ml of HP sauce (original, not fruity) on the side of the plate.
Eat the beans first as they tend to go cold quickest, then the egg-on-bread. Then pause and rise for the national anthem (a CD of which should always be in tray 1 of your hi-fi, ready for instant use on all occasions). Resume meal and wash down with plenty of Earl Grey, whilst perusing the morning paper (Times or Telegraph).
After taking a few moments to give thanks for the meal, to lament the decline of the Empire, and to check the cricket score, all that is left to do is to check that one's tie is straight and one's cuffs are linked, and one is ready to begin one's day.
We don't do breakfast chez Dawkins. A mug of strong coffee and the news online is how we kickstart our day.
Having just read what some of you feed your faces with in early morning, I don't believe we'll be changing our breakfast habits anytime soon :0)
Dawkins - now that is hard core atheism, you don't even believe in breakfast.
In any event, like anything else when taken in moderation, the fry adds to the spice of life (if not the years of it).
LOL Tom!
"35ml of tomato ketchup (Heinz, naturally)"
Finally some sanity!
As for the fry up it is food for the soul, like apple crumble and fine whisk(e)y (not at the same time)...those who have the opportunity to partake and don't may live longer but they might as well be dead.
Tom -that could serve as the post itself. Nicely done. I leave it to Daphne and/or Charles to explain grits.
Frank,
I passed on your comments to Mrs Dawkins, who's Italian. She chortled briefly and scathingly, and muttered something that sounded like "la bella figona inglese."
Whatever did she mean by that? :0)
Dawkings, tell her it's "Frank" not Francesca. Or was she referring to the breakfast?
BTW, how does an Italian woman survive in NI culinary-wise and weather-wise?
Noel,
She was referring the English shape—mine accepted to be sure—which is the opposite of "la bella figura" i.e. "la bella figona".
How she survives? She buys her own fresh ingredients and cooks them, helped by moi :0)
Weatherwise, she travels a lot.
Hahahahah! Oooh how rude. From a nation of pasta eaters that sure is a sarky comment. I would much rather indulge the odd fry up a few times a year and pass up pasta totally to avoid looking like a big fat Italian mama anyday. Protein not carbs ya see! Sorry Dawkins but she sure sounds rude.
>>I would much rather indulge the odd fry up a few times a year and pass up pasta totally to avoid looking like a big fat Italian mama anyday.<<
Alison if you want to avoid getting fat, eat like the Italians and not like the English. Pasta is a very healthy way of taking in energy.
And you can see the proof on Italian streets. The "big fat Italian mama" is much rarer than the big fat English mum. On average, the English are among the great tubbies of Europe, the Italians are among the trimmest. They also have one of the lowest rates of heart disease; the UK one of the highest.
Alison,
Of course she's rude—she's from Milan! Last I looked, there weren't too many big fat mamas there.
Size zero ragazze like the svelte Mrs D don't eat pasta. They don't eat too many fry ups either, and long may it continue thus!